...absolute affinity for bitches...

2009-02-15T16:54:00.000+08:00

My blog is dead. :)

2009-01-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

I so wanna break down and cry. My mum just texted me, saying

'U tak rindu your papa ke?'

I do, really. I miss my whole family.

And then I asked her if everything was alright, and she said my sister's ill.
I wanna visit them.
Or Ma, I know you read my blog, so can you please come over to my place instead?
HAHAHAHHA.

2009-01-11T01:24:00.001+08:00

But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I

I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you

2009-01-09T15:24:00.003+08:00

STA's official yearbook pictures are outttt!!!
This will be in the grad book.
And I look like I've got buck teeth.
HAHA.

2009-01-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

I am officially home sick.
Am meeting Manje in a couple of minutes, and this is the best way to feel 'at-home'.

I miss my mum's naggings.
I miss my sister's whining of not being able to enter my room.
I miss driving my dad's car. (and his money!)
heh.

2009-01-06T00:26:00.000+08:00

'Dia tu yang terbaik yang pernah gue milikin.'

I love you.

2009-01-05T01:02:00.002+08:00

"What else could a slumdog possibly know?"

The Answers.

2009-01-03T02:58:00.001+08:00

HAHHAHAHAHHA.
I was chatting with Iyliee yesterday, and that girl is so cute I tell you.
She said she dreamt of me.
How nice right?
But WAIT!
She dreamt that I was working.........
as a STRIPPER.
And she sempat draw for me what I wore!

HAHHAHAHHAHHA.
IMY iyliee.
And remember to show me how I acted that day when school reopens okay?

2008-12-31T11:34:00.005+08:00

2009 is just hours away, and I have a feeling it's gonna be good. School's ending in three weeks, I have a job offer at Screenbox (even before I'm done with school!), I'm still holding on to my current job, Yan's been great, and I'm living a whole new life right now not living with my family (woo-hoo!).

2008 was..... shitty. It's final year in school which equals to 2 projects to finish, complete CE points(which is completed!), and there were many, many complications going around in school. Misunderstandings with friends, them having their own priorities, people wanting to be more than friends, people being in denial that they have girlfriends yet they still want to be more than friends, and girlfriends who know nothing about their boyfriends (right, Akie?).

My mum asked me a couple days back when I last saw her, what my New Year's Resolution was.

I wanna drive closer to the speed limit.
Cos I feel bad having them to pay all the summons.
*cheeky smile*

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

2008-12-31T02:08:00.004+08:00

Muhammad Zacky,
please tell your god damn affiliates not to be so err, kental can?
and stop saying you got my back when you obviously don't.
I know I owe you for taking care of me during Zoukout and stuff.
But this is like, melampau.

Go do something about this.

2008-12-29T00:28:00.003+08:00

Drinking on your one hour work break is good, very good.
It releases the pent up pain and emotion from the non-stop working hours,
and also the fact that I'm not able to punch someone in the god damn face right that very minute.

2008-12-29T00:16:00.002+08:00

What happens when you walk down town
and boys taunt you with words,
words that you don't like,
words that your boyfriend who happened to be there, hated?

What happens when your boyfriend came up to them,
confronted them,
and asked them what their fucked up problem was,
and got something nasty in return?

What happens when your boyfriend isn't the only one,
who got the nasty treatment,
but you too?

And what happens when you find out,
that the people who did that to you,
are affiliated to someone close to you,
gang sense?

AKU PANGKAR.

2008-12-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

And it's a little late for explanations
There isn't anything that you can do
And my eyes hurt, hands shiver,
So you will listen when I say

I don't want to, stay another minute
I don't want you, to say a single word
Hush.

2008-12-18T14:22:00.016+08:00

Yan brought me to the zoo yesterday. And I swore we were like, kids on their first visit there. Only, we were adults on their second visit there! Yes, just the second time besides our primary school trip.
See? I told you he was so jakun. He was looking at everything that way.
And we were watching the zookeepers feed the white tigers, and I thought they were sexy. Sexy as hell ripping the chicken/pork/whatever-they-were-eating apart.

Yan sama ibu mertua barunya.

When the two-legged animals (read: us) meet Ben& Jerry's.
Oh Oh Oh, and this animal couldn't stop running and jumping around us! Scary!

And Yan and I made a chimpanzee fucking pissed at us, it came charging at us! Now that was damn scary cos it was huge! And it was pissed because we couldn't stop laughing at their pink asses. The zookeeper had to calm it down, and told us not to tease them, cos apparently they know what we were laughing at. WTF.

Cute lil ~~racoonssssss~~ lemurs.

*edited*
I just watched Animal Planet, and realised, they're not racoons, they're lemurs.
Heh.
Me and Shida. We were dead tired after all the walking and laughing, it isn't a joke.

2008-12-16T02:14:00.012+08:00

I went to ZoukOut in the hope of having a whole lot of fun..........

and all I got was getting wasted. Dead wasted.
My god.

2008-12-11T15:40:00.001+08:00

If you asked me how much I love you.
God, where do I begin?
You are the reason I wake each morning.
And the reason I dream each night.
I can't breathe without whispering your name.
Or close my eyes without seeing your face.
When we are apart my body aches for you.
When we are together I long to please you.
When I laugh, when I cry, when I daydream....
Its all done with you in mind.
I know I have known you not just in this life,
but in many lives before.
Because I have more love in my heart for you,
than a person can gather in just one lifetime.
Without you I could not walk the earth.
For you are the reason I exist.
You are my whole heart as well as my soul.
Without your love I would be empty.
So you see, you are my everything, my life.
That's how much I love you.

Someone sent me this through MSN, and I don't see a need to mention his name here.
But it's ironic, you see.
Cos I have a boyfriend. And he has a girlfriend too.

2008-12-11T14:02:00.002+08:00

ALL REPUBLIC POLY STUDENTS, DO COME AND SUPPORT US FOR OUR FYP EVENT TOMORROW!

IT'S AT THE LIBRARY, ILE ROOM, NEAR THE IT HELPDESK.
ANYTIME BETWEEN 4.30 - 8 PM!

THANKS!!!

2008-12-10T14:44:00.002+08:00

I think it's time for a wake-up call, bitch. Can't you see the truth in front of your god damn eyes? Or are you too blinded by love, or what you think is love? Wake up. Don't you feel dumb and used by what he is doing to you? HAHA. I pity you. I wish I could make life a living hell for you, but I won't, cos I wouldn't stoop that low for someone like you. You're just not worth it. *shrugs*
:)

2008-12-06T15:13:00.000+08:00

NO MORE LIAOOOOOOO!

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

2008-12-06T12:31:00.000+08:00

FYP is being a pain in my god-damn ass.
Ergh.
Let's get it done and over with.

2008-12-04T11:46:00.004+08:00

Thursday morning and it’s a lovely day. Haizzz. It's just a few weeks to a whole new year!

A few things to jot about; alas, nothing infinitely important or drastic in any sense of the word, rather – miniscule updates.

So I put myself on a diet which officially started this Monday but I was watching myself (more or less) over the course of Saturday and Sunday. Well, maybe deducting that giant mutton chop meal I devoured on Monday for dinner but that was mostly what I consumed for the day.(or not!) HAHA. I suck at diets. But I need to. Really, really need to. Stop me if you see me devouring anything, erm, that I'm not supposed to eat okay?

..............................................................................................................
*edited*
I forgot to mention that last Tuesday was my little sis's birthday. And as much as she loved the present (which I wasted a lot of money on) I gave her, she totally put it aside the moment she saw what my mum gave her.

And guess what she got?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
THE EXACT SAME PHONE AS THE ONE I GOT FOR MY BIRTHDAY!
EVEN THE EXACT SAME COLOUR!
SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN THE BLUE OR THE GREY ONE,
SHE STILL TOOK THE PINK ONE!

I mean, what difference do I make if I'm the ELDER sister, and she gets a present that is of the same price as me? Ergh. I wanna ask for one more thing as another present. Maybe I should try asking for a car again, and maybe, just maybe, I'll get it.

2008-11-25T09:24:00.007+08:00

Yesterday's last minute outing with Akie, Fatin and Kat was nice. And as of yesterday, I suck at pool. HAHAHA. Eh this one serious tau! Normally I'm good, yesterday aje cock-up sikit. HAHA!

And and and; I'm very greedy. I want more licenses. I'm sick of driving. I want to ride now. BUT; i'm scared. HAHAHHA. But yeah, will still take the license.

Woohoo! I can smell it already!

Oh and yes, to my sexiest bitches in the whole wide world,
thanks for the gift!

2008-11-24T11:32:00.002+08:00

I think this has got to be the sweetest pic I've ever seen in my entire life. It opened my eyes to really see how close-knit a family can be.

*Credits to Beau Illusion*

2008-11-24T09:42:00.010+08:00

Birthday was AWESOMEEEEEEE!!

Eve was spent working my ass off, before my parents fetched me from work to go for supper with my cousins in tow. Initially wanted to go to Newton but since it was raining pussycat dogs, we decided to just go to Adam Road. Mum was being a pain in the ass asking us, oh yeah, my fat cousin shares the same birthday as me, to cut the cake as she thinks it'll melt. -_-
The 20nov babies.

Just as we were about to finish the cake, she showed me something wrapped very nicely in silver wrapping, and asked me to guess what was in it. Here's how the conversation went.

Mama: Ri, you have two attempts to guess what's in here, or the present goes to your sister. (Soooooo ikhlas!)
Me: Huh? How am I supposed to knowwwww???!!!
Mama: Cepatttt!
Me: Err.. keys to a brand new car???? (wishful thinking, I know)
Mama: Kau ingat aku print duit?!? 1 more attempt!
Me: Ehhh! I don't know! (and at this point of time, Ria starts shaking the box vigorously)
Ria: Deq, agaknya handphone tak?
Me: Err, okay, here goes.... HANDPHONE!
Mama: Ahh shit. (looks at my sis,) Da Syirah, there goes your chance!
Me: *starts screaming in enthusiasm*

New phone! New phone! Now I can feeling ala Serena van der Woodsen. HAHA!

The bitch who helped me guess right.
Ily to bits and pieces.
Sleep over some more pleassseeee!!!

Birthday itself started pretty much on a low note. There were sooooo many conflicts going on! After school, everyone SEEMED to be so busy with their own stuff, and Sue just came over to my place to chill out before heading to 'town' to meet Athena.

As in, that was what I was told! The ridiculous kids gave me the bestest SURPRISE EVERRRRR!!!!! Athena and Sue was dead drunk that night! All was well by the end of the night when Akie came over to talk things out, and sent Ms Dead Drunk aka Sue back at 2+ before coming back to join Athena, Mamat and myself.

20 neats kaperrrr!!! HAHAHHA!

Yes, they call me Baby Tetek. *rolls eyes*

Thank you thank you thank you peopleeee!!! Oh yes plus Akie, Diniy and Mamat!
I'm sorry it was soooo hard to surprise me cos I keep asking questions.
Heh.
But it turned out awesome!

Next day was spent with Yan when we went to watch Wild Child, ate at this fucking good Surabayan restaurant, and I mean fucking, fucking good. Oh, and Yan bought me this Agnes B skirt. Member confident, pikir aku gemuk sangat, beli kan aku at least 2 sizes bigger!

OH AND TO EVERY, EVERYONE, THANKS FOR ALL THE TEXT MESSAGES, CALLS, IMs, COMMENTS!

2008-11-18T20:29:00.002+08:00

From Wikipedia;
Freedom of speech is the freedom to speak freely without censorship or limitation. The synonymous term freedom of expression is sometimes used to denote not only freedom of verbal speech but any act of seeking, receiving and imparting information or ideas, regardless of the medium used.

HAHA. I know this 'story' is a week old now, but I still can't get over the fact you fuckin asked me to say sorry to her. SORRY???????? Excuse meeeeeeee??? Errr, over my dead fuckin body, my friend. Let's practice the right to freedom of speech. Cos, well, you taught me that when you were practicing it by cursing and swearing at me for no particular reason, and well, I said nothing, cause you were just practicing freedom of speech. *shrugs*

:)

2008-11-18T20:15:00.000+08:00

The best thing bout tonight is that we're not fighting.
Or make that all coming nights to come.
ily.

2008-11-13T13:51:00.001+08:00

I remember way back, way back when
I said I never wanna see your face again
'Cause you were loving, yes, you were loving somebody else
And I knew, oh yes, I knew I couldn't control myself

And now they bring you back into my life again
And so I put on a face just like your friends
But I think you know, oh yes, you know what's going on
'Cause the feelings in me are burning strong

But I will never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

You used to call me up from time to time
And it would be so hard for me not to cross the line
The words of love lay on my lips just like a curse
And I knew they'd only make it worse

And now you have the nerve to play along
Just like the maestro beats in your song
You get your kicks from playing me
And the less you give, the more I want so foolishly

Never be your stepping stone
Take it all or leave me alone
I will never be your stepping stone
I'm standing upright on my own

Wait a minute, I was never a stepping stone.
I was a pit-stop.

2008-11-13T09:09:00.015+08:00

I love Tuesdays. After FYP meeting, the girls came over to my place.
Athena sungguh mentel.
Just so you people know, in every picture in my room, Sue is looking in the mirror. *rolls eyes* (maklumlah, sekarang must always melawa.)
Does Nad look as tall as me in this picture? Or is it just me? HAHAHHA.
Sibuk punye orang. HAHA.

And then, it was to Cuscaden babyyyyyyyyyy!!! We bumped into Alex on the way there, and Athena managed to psych her into coming with us. :)

Where in the world can you pay for three jugs, and get around 12????? PLUS, a couple of bottles of Stella Artois?????
A whole lot of young-looking old people there. HAHAHHAHA.
Alex, muka please stop it eh.

So much for wanting to catch the last train. We totally lost track of time, and when someone actually DID check the time, it was almost two already! *shakes head*
The BOSS. Thank you for opening up such a great place.
Charmaineeeeeee!!

Sue, I hope you had a blast. Get over it okay? It's his loss anyway.

2008-11-11T14:41:00.003+08:00

I'm dying inside, seriously. It hurts having to keep things to yourself, and not having a single soul know what you're going through. It hurts seeing other people so happy and contented with what they have in life. It hurts so much having to go through what I went through, alone. With no one there by my side. The whole feeling of emptiness, love lost. It feels lighter, yet heavier at the same time.

Oh damn it. It's hard ranting about it here when I know people are bound to read and thus not being able to just state what it is that's bothering me. Fuck it, that sentence was so long I myself don't understand what I just said.

This makes me want to break down in class but I won't. Cause I know I'm strong enough to face this. Alone.

2008-11-11T14:34:00.002+08:00

Cute kannnnnnnn? Heh.

Like it or not, babies have a hold on your life like nothing else. They can send you into a tizzy with their incessant bawling, or they can tug at your heartstrings with their soft cooing. A baby can make you forget your worries, or add to them if he so desires. However, you can't help falling in love with your baby, not withstanding the smelly diapers.

I WANT MY OWN BABY.
:D

2008-11-10T14:12:00.002+08:00

Babes, more chicken and beers session at Cuscaden please??????
Tuesdays and Fridays are not enough!!!

2008-11-10T11:38:00.001+08:00

I MISS YOU.
:(

2008-11-03T18:15:00.012+08:00

The week-long holiday flew by so fast. Everyday was spent pretttyyyy wisely. :)
The first Saturday was spent with Sue over dinner, and just chilling around our area.
Deepavali was spent jalan raya-ing for the last time. Diniy was driving his dad's car, and we managed to squeeze all of us in it. We didn't go to many places, but one thing's for sure, Aishah's dad is hotttttttt!!! HAHA.
Tuesday was spent with FYP meeting and loaning out of equipments we needed for it. Nad finished up with the storyboard, and we finished up with the script, yeah, yada yada yada, and we didn't manage to get the camera we needed *rolls eyes*. Oh, and I slept over at a friend's place for supposedly, a movie marathon, but we ended up not watching a single movie.
Wednesday was spent with the boyfriend, watching them play takraw. Boring.

Thurday was fun. The day started pretty early with me sending my dad off to work, cos I needed to use the car for our filming for FYP. Went over to fetch Mira, before Hippo last minute-ly asked me to get kids as our talents, and so I went over to Sue's place and borrowed 4 of her cousins as our talents, and she tagged along too. We then went to fetch Hippo, then Abu, and then proceeded to our location for our shoot; Duxton Hill. And I swear I had no idea how to get there. I got to the area around Kevin's, and I got lost. HAHA. Thank god there was this one guy who willingly showed us the area by driving his van there and we just tagged from behind. Filming was hectic, crowd started forming, and it was near impossible to shoot. We then headed to Haji Lane, which, again, was super packed. We soon decided to postpone the shoot and went to have dinner.
Sent the rest home, and Sue came over to my place to get ready to Dbl O. Since I had to send the car back to my dad's work place, mum and sis wanted to tag along, and dad was nice enough to send us to Dbl O. Met the other girlies there.
Sue slept over my place that night, and it sure was fun!
Next day, I had to work! Which was dreadful, especially after partying the day before. And that night, Sue slept over, again! The heart to heart talk we had was greatttt babe!We spent the night watching Young and Dangerous, and I got Sue hooked on the show!
Saturday was spent working the fuckin morning shift, before heading to Ming Arcade for my cousin's surprise birthday party! Which was superbly fun! She got tickets to Phuket! And she's leaving in 2 weeks time! Oh, and yes, she was in tears. HAHA. Nurul, Azreen, pictures pleaseeeeeee!!

Sunday was spent sleeping the wholllleeeee day, and to the hospital at night.

And today, school. Ergh.

2008-10-24T02:53:00.001+08:00

I think this is so true.
Manje posted it on her new(but sumpah just Manje and I knows) blog.

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' .... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

2008-10-24T01:15:00.001+08:00

Agnes Monica - Matahariku

Tertutup Sudah Pintu, Pintu Hatiku
Yang Pernah Dibuka Waktu Hanya Untukmu
Kini Kau Pergi Dari Hidupku
Kuharus Relakanmu Walau Aku Tak Mau

Berjuta Warna Pelangi Di Dalam Hati
Sejenak Luluh Bergeming Menjauh Pergi
Tak Ada Lagi Cahaya Suci
Semua Nada Beranjak Aku Terdiam Sepi

Dengarlah Matahariku, Suara Tangisanku
Kubersedih Karna Panah Cinta Menusuk Jantungku
Ucapkan Matahariku Puisi Tentang Hidupku
Tentangku Yang Tak Mampu Menaklukkan Waktu

This song has been on repeat for errrr.... I don't know.... 3 hours plus?

HAHAHHA.

2008-10-22T00:23:00.006+08:00

My boyfriend is abso-fucking-lutely obsessed with changing his stupid hair colours! Irritating pe, I don't know how many times he's done it this month, and earlier in the day, still had the fucking guts to tell me he's gonna change it again.
When he came to my house with this hair colour, my mum said he looked older than my grandma.

And so he changed it to this colour here;
And he's had comments saying it looks his aunt's Persian cat, which I thought was a positive comment. But then he thought this colour was too post-Sparks era, and now, he wants to change it again.

And so I said, do this.

2008-10-21T23:15:00.017+08:00

Okayyyyy!!!! Pics from last week!! Yan couldn't join us cause he had to work. :( But these are just from Akie's and my camera only. The day started with me going over to his place as his very nice mum allowed us to use her car to get around. We then drove over to fetch Kat at Tamp, before heading to fetch Fatin at JE, and then proceed to Ii-duuh's brother's wedding at her place, and Fad joined us soon after. But the whole day I felt like a taxi driver, bukak kasut bila drive. HAHA. It's impossible to drive in heels!

Oh, and I love this comfy-as-hell swing at Fad's place.

And the rest will be at my place.

Tiga dara pingitan. Ceh ceh ceh.

Tengok couple yang sungguh comel dan manja di background itu.

Fad looks like she's gonna gobble the whole thing up!

These are pics from two weeks back, when Yan and his family came over to my place.Aisy is growing at a really, really fast rate!

Me, Yan, and Mamat the monster.

I regret not bringing my camera. I've yet to upload pics at Akie's place (except the first one in this post), Kat's place, Fad's place and Jack's place. Okay, merepek. Jack nama atok aku okay. Kesian dia.
Aku baru dapat tau, kawan aku be it yang jantan ke betina, semua pantang nampak camera. Lagi-lagi si Kat, always posing. Sheesh. HAHA.

2008-10-20T13:46:00.005+08:00

I love it when you pamper me
I love it when you hug me
I love it when you kiss me
I love it when you hold me tightly in your arms
I love it when you put me to bed
I love it when you say you love me
I love it when you stroke my hair
I love it when you look me in the eye and kiss me
I love it when you praise me
I love it when you hold my hands and rub my fingers
I love it when you console me when I'm crying
I love it when you buy me stuff
I love it when you let me sleep in your arms
I love it when you'd sleep after me, and wake before me,
just to watch me wake up

and most importantly;

I love the fact that I love you so god damn much, it hurts.

2008-10-20T09:41:00.001+08:00

Yesterday's jalan raya was the bestest this year ever!!
It was just the 5 of us,
Fatin, Kat, Akie, Fad and I but it sure was the best!
Pictures up as soon as I get them from Akie, Fad and Fatin.
=)

2008-10-16T13:29:00.002+08:00

There are times when you tend to do things without ever thinking of the consequences right?
When you do things in the heat of the moment, and you're dealing with irrational, unpredictable people?
And what happens when suddenly, the consequences turned dire, and there is absolutely no way out of this entangled web?
When one moment of folly becomes a whole chain reaction to what's in store in the future?
What would you do?

What would I do?

2008-10-14T11:00:00.001+08:00

I realised one thing. Even though I’m not so close to Iyliee, in school, or in MSN, I feel like I have some sort of connection with her. Like, she’s my sister or something. It’s hard to explain, I feel really emotionally attached to her, I don’t know why. I guess the talk we had at Clarke Quay had something to do with this. This feeling is really, really weird, cos the only other person I’m comfortable telling everything to is Sue, and I’m god damn close to her. But it isn’t the same with Iyliee, you see. I only get to see Iyliee if I bump into her in school, yes, BUMP into her. We don’t even plan to go out together, not even for lunch in school! And I miss her like crazy.

I realised I don’t have much to live for, no pun intended, without my loved ones. And honestly, my family don’t even fall into that category. You may think, “Good for nothing bitch. Her parents brought her up, got her through school, paid for everything she asked for and now they’re not even considered her loved ones. What a slut.” Yeah yeah, think what you want, I love them, yes I do, but, it’s just that, I don’t share my problems with them, not one. No, it’s not that I don’t, I just can’t. They think that I’m just in my growing-up phase, and I’ll change for the better, soon. Hellllloooo! My growing-up phase was long gone, gone with the lock-ups and the partying and the “I’m-not-in-the-mood-to-go-home-today” times!

I’m way past conflicts and scandals and quarrels, cos in the end, I’m still at the losing end. Do I get anything in return? No. I get kicked upon, stepped on (the fuckin head, that is) even backstabbed from someone I call a best friend. Someone I truly loved as a fuckin good friend had to call me names, and does stuff behind my back which I’m totally shocked HE was capable of doing. Your capability as a guy in doing the unthinkable never stops surprising me. Give me more of it, my dear friend, give me more.

2008-10-13T18:38:00.001+08:00

When we don't need anything else in this world,
besides sex, drugs, and house.
HAHAHHA.

Oh yes, and each other.
I love you Sue.

2008-10-13T17:25:00.000+08:00

GEREK PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR??

ISAP PANTAT AH SUNDAL.

2008-10-10T04:08:00.003+08:00

And I quote, straight from another's point of view,

"Your words are bullshit, but I must congratulate you for having such a(?) perfect drama skills. So now, am I wrong to doubt you?"

Doesn't this sound oh-so-fucking-familiar to you??
Truth be told. I ~~was~~ am dumb.

Ahhhhh. The sounds of Trance and Techno are calling me. Oh, and yes, the irritating voices of Ab and Manje.

2008-10-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

Hari Raya was hectic. And a whole waste of money. What more after spending a whole lot of money on gel extensions for my nails, which looked good no doubt, but lasted no more than a day! (for three fingers at least) *rolls eyes* I paid a visit to IKEA to transform my room into something else, and amazingly after getting all that I needed, it still didn't reach fifty bucks. It's telling me to go get room makeovers more often now. Oh and yes, now, my room's the place to be to get neck aches in a good way, like Adil said. :D

I didn't tear up when asking for forgiveness for my parents this year. I guess I haven't done much wrong :)

My MMC reader on the laptop just decides to be a bitch thus I'm not able to get pics from my camera. :((

2008-09-24T16:35:00.004+08:00

I totally regretted thinking of fatigue last night. It brought upon a whole chain reaction which was totally uncalled for. Home early-> me being home when they came-> being brought back -> got to know a ‘friend’ got me in this hot soup -> a whole night of shit-> home.

And this is when the whole chain reaction will start.... Again.

When I find out who amongst my beloved friends is the one who called to tell them what I did, from start to end. And that is when I don’t need someone to tell them what I did, they will come looking for me instead....... When you’re fucking dead. Your face will be the face I picture day after day when I practice and I prepare for your fucking death.

God, I'm so sorry
if I hurt her
I wish I could take it all back.
I wish I could take it all away.
I never meant for this to happen

God, I wish I could change it all,
but I cannot.
The past is the past

Forgive me for my sins, for she deserved it.

2008-09-23T19:41:00.003+08:00

As of yesterday, I found out who my friends were.
As of today, I found out who my true friends were.
I never expected you to say that.

Did I misunderstand you?
Or was it on purpose?

Leave my family out of this, bitch.

2008-09-16T10:28:00.006+08:00

Carpark madness last week was greaaaaattttttt.
We broke our fast there with the moon directly above us, the expressway a couple of metres away from us, six floors above street level and a whole lot of food we got from the bazaar. :)

2008-09-15T10:39:00.003+08:00

You would think at some point
I would get tired of living this way
Every time you look at me
I must look away
because of the pain I hide from you
because of the the hell that I've walked through
the spirit of God is a sight I can't see
the vision of God is hidden from me
Why is it then that you hurt me so
why does pain stay
why can't I let go
its my fault in some way
I'm doing this wrong
my thoughts are so tangled
your words are so strong
my feelings are held up by only thin ice
and sometimes you say things
brimming with fire-
fire and ice
they just do not work
fire and ice are anti each other
is that you and me?
if so, why do we bother?
I fail to see the reason for your fury and tone
I know I am a jerk sometimes-
I know I have no right to say
that it hurts me when you say these things
to be mean just to hurt me
I may love you- but I don't like you

What the hell was I thinking?

2008-09-10T12:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when we fight, I think maybe I
Should just let you leave and push you out of my life
But I don't decide, cause I know that I
Just can't survive without you
And I know inside I never let you go cause I'm sure your the one
Even through the rain it's clear, your the one I want
And no matter how we fuss and fight boy, you should always know
I just can't stop loving you

That's why I can't say go

Baby I've tried, to tell you goodbye
One look from your eyes and those dumb thoughts say goodbye
It's foolish to try, when I know that I
I just can't survive without you
And I know inside I never let you go cause I'm sure your the one
Even through the rain it's clear that your the one I want
And no matter how we fuss and fight, boy you should always know
I just can't stop loving you

That's why I can't say go

To see through the night, you are my light
So even when we fight I know it's going to be alright
You have my soul, I'm just letting you know

2008-09-05T15:10:00.005+08:00

With Yan, before.

With Firdaus and Aisy, after.

Mamat's out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)
:D
:p
:))
:DD
:OOOO

Aku suka sekali. Check out what RTC did to him. In both pics, on the right. He's a monster now!

2008-09-05T14:11:00.003+08:00

(random picture from the NMS visit 2 weeks back)

seri! i miss and love you, ok?
ok, good.
-that was Athena.

I was staring blankly at the screen when she totally typed that out. She totally made me laugh! HAHA! Padahal tengah nak marah tau. Heh.

Anyways,
How'd you feel when someone you love can't, and won't forget his past?

Wait.

2008-08-29T20:10:00.003+08:00

I hate to wait. I really do. Lagi-lagi kalau kau da kasi aku harapan, lepas tu dengan rileknye kau bilang aku plans kau yang lain, when I bloody well waited a whole fucking day for you. Fuck you.

2008-08-27T16:46:00.015+08:00

20.08.2008
It was our Baby Bitch's birthday.
The 5 babybitches met up for a potluck birthday party at West Coast Park.

Hoped you enjoyed it as much as we did.
I miss you guys already.
We should meet up again before term starts.
:))

2008-08-27T16:33:00.003+08:00

Amazingly, I passed all my modules for last sem, even my first FYP. Yes, I passed them all. Luck has got something to do with it. :) School's starting in a week, and it's the last semester before graduation. Wow, time flies.

Anyways, on a lighter (or heavier) note, some loser has been using my name and number on Alamak.com (yes, so kental), thus making me fucking irritated with numerous unknown numbers calling me in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes, even soooo early in the morning when I'm just on my way to work. It has been going on for about a week now, and at first I picked up these calls, only to throw profanities at the people at the other end of the line, but then I learnt to just not pick up or reply these messages. There was this one guy who called, however, who was especially helpful, telling me what that person said about herself (read:me), and yes, I was pissed. I met up with my babies yesterday and told them about this, and they were trying to think of the people who would do this. Everyone said one thing; Mirul's girlfriend. I mean, I don't know her personally and stuff, but I really do believe she wouldn't stoop this low to get back at me. I mean, I believe she has class. But heck, I don't know. And I don't wanna be the one to point fingers at anyone. We'll see how long this will last.

2008-08-14T21:04:00.005+08:00

Yesterday night was AWESOME!!!! Iyliee, Juju and myself went partying, just the three of us (initially). We went the The Arena while waiting for Fad and Iyliee's cousin to arrive. The live band, great music, lychee martinis and vodka was enough to pump up our adrenalin for the later part of the night. Iyliee's cousin arrived soon after with a bottle of Smirnoff, and soon the three of us got into a pretty serious conversation. But, life IS like shit. I'm proud of you Iyliee, seriously, for being able to still stand through all the stuff you went through.

Oh Oh Oh; someone thinks the lead singer of the band is hottttt~~~~~
HAHHAHA.

But it isn't clearrr! But he IS cute though! Heh.

2008-08-11T09:05:00.003+08:00

It's been pretty hectic. National Day was spent working in the morning, and then heading to Linie's chalet for both Fizah and her birthdays. I had my dad send me to work, cos apparently I was 3 minutes late from the normal time I had to leave the house, which is actually an excuse for my being lazy to take the train in the morning. HAHA. And so my whole family went for breakfast at Jln Kayu and my mum told me stuff about this crazy-ass woman trying to break my family up.

.........................................................

It seems she's so into my dad she's been telling my mum that my dad's being unfaithful, and then going around telling my dad to go divorce my mum (all this through SMS, how kental). Both my parents have been going through that the past couple of days, and so I took the initiative of contacting her, even calling and texting her M1 number, cos my mum barred her from Starhub! HAHA. You're playing with the wrong bitch, slut!
.........................................................

Oh right, back to National Day, work was great that day, sales baik gilaaaaaa, it was so good we only had 4 Gucci, a Fendi and a couple Ray Bans left. The counter was goddamn empty. Heh. Commission confirm bomb. :))
Yan and Raul fetched me from work, and we then went to Downtown East, where just like last year, we reached at 8.30, and were the first friends to reach. Met up with manyyyy old friends, and Iyliee, Fad and Dinie came too. And and and; it was the first time I've seen Iyliee so quiet and pemaluuuuu!!! So unlike her usual self! And yes babe, you're most welcome(refers to you thanking me for teman-ing you on your blog)!!!

Ice cream today ehhhhh Iyliee?
*kening naik2*

Oh, and pictures please, Raul and Linie!!

2008-08-06T09:11:00.003+08:00

Thank God oral defense for G301 is finally over. It wasn't the easiest presentation, but it wasn't the toughest too. The only thing that made it tough was thinking of what to wear; as it was our second formal presentation, after our PP presentation last year. One is over, FYP2 to start. New group, new ideas, and new problems are bound to crop up. Oh yes, and I still need CE points!

Holy fuck, why do I get a feeling I have to be in Year 4?

2008-07-28T15:16:00.002+08:00

I can't wait to meet my bitches later.
:))

2008-07-23T11:37:00.000+08:00

It’s funny how sometimes you feel, or hope, that some people think of you the same way you feel about them. How they seem to give you hope, that they’ll be there, thick and thin. How they USED to be always there for you, but after some time, they seem to get, say, sick and tired of you. It hurts, doesn’t it? Thank the Almighty for friends who would be there whenever you need them, yes, whenever. Omg, I can’t seem to put into words how much it hurts, how much it hurts to actually think that there’d be hope, when there is actually none. Zilch. Kosong. I am so god damn pissed right now I need my friends. I want to tell them everything. All the shit I’ve been facing, how I feel like I’m being treated like a fucking dog, being walked away from, all the profanities. I’ve had enough.

2008-07-22T18:09:00.003+08:00

I'm angry

at what you made me believe
of how you made me feel
at your stupidity
of the shit you put me through
the self-hate you caused
at the disgust you made me feel
[in the mirror]

I hate

your name
your face
your history
your false smile
your beliefs
your contradictions
your past

YOU

I hope

you are happy
that you find your happyness

but most of all

that you pay.

2008-07-15T11:21:00.002+08:00

Today is Akie's final court hearing.
We're all praying for the best.
Probation, hostel maybe.
Please, please not RTC.

Yesterday we spent, what I call, quality time with him, before he had to finally leave.
And he dedicated this song to us. Tough to let him go, I tell you.
I won't see you tonight- Avenged Sevenfold.

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

Sorrow, sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and loved

It's building up inside of me
A place so dark, so cold, I had to set me free
Don't mourn for me,
You're not the one to place the blame
As bottles call my name I won't see you tonight

Sorrow sank deep inside my blood
All the ones around me
I cared for and most of all I loved
But I can't see myself that way
Please don't forget me or cry while I'm away

Cry alone, I've gone away
No more nights, no more pain
I've gone alone, took all my strength
But I've made the change,
I won't see you tonight

So far away, I'm gone.
Please don't follow me tonight
And while I'm gone everything will be alright

No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight
No more breath inside
Essence left my heart tonight

All the best, Kie. :))

2008-07-14T17:39:00.000+08:00

FYP report is due in 3 days.
And we're not even close to finishing it.

Damn it.

2008-07-11T15:01:00.002+08:00

She remembers it all,
All the people who had said
They cared, but did they really?

She remembers it all,
The sound of laughter and
How happy she'd been, but was she really?

She remembers it all,
His arms around her and
He said "I love you," but did he really?

She remembers it all,
The pain she'd felt when her mum left,
How her heart ached, but was it really?

She remembers it all,
The feeling of being so alone,
The feeling no one cared, but did they really?

She remembers it all,
Having friends she thought were true,
The feeling everyone loved her, but did they really?

Yes, I really, really do love you Sue.
You're the bestest best friend I could ever ask for,
and you're always there whenever I needed someone,
rain or shine.
I don't care how tough your past is,
how you have friends who say they care, but in fact they don't,
how people around you think you're always okay when you're not.
I am here. Always.
I want you to live life they way you want to.
Cos I believe you've been through way too much to be suffering right now.
And; have I told you I loved you. No?
Okay then, I love you.

2008-07-11T14:22:00.002+08:00

A friend of mine gave this to me just a couple of minutes ago;

"hope you have a great day ahead and i wish you all the best in your endeavours. It has been nice getting to know you people and i hope any mistakes ive done in the process of being your friend, are forgiven. It was a wonderful experience which i will forever remember and you guys will be etched in the memory til eternity. Any shortcomings shall b forgotten while all good fun i'll reminicse "

It's saddening how now, I realise, how little time we've spent with this particular friend of mine.It could be possibly cos of his past relationship with a friend of ours, or maybe something else. But, his message knocked me to my senses. How I actually really, really value this friendship. Him sending this showed me how much I actually felt worried, and not knowing what kinda problems he is really facing right now(if there are any). But Adil, if you really do have anything to share, you know we're always here. Don't scare the fuck out of me, and reply IMs and answer calls okay?

2008-07-11T09:27:00.012+08:00

This post will all be pics from Kak Ida's wedding last weekend.
=)

2008-07-10T11:15:00.011+08:00

I still have yet gotten any of the pics from my other cousin, Kak Ida's, wedding last weekend. And so, AZREEN and NURUL, if you're reading this, please cepat-cepat send me okay? The wedding went as planned, but running around the whole day in heels really was a chore. From running around looking for a pantun(HAHA!) to confirming with the DJ when to play the right songs, even to parking the car to the multi storey carpark(cos of some stoopid fuck who just had to complain! Ergh.) Sorry Weeza I stole these pics from your Multiply. :)

Anyways, school has been good lately, grades have been okay, UTs have always been bitches, but the lepak sessions after school is what motivates me to come to school, even if I didn't attend class. The last few days, Fatin, Sue, Akie and I had a heart to heart talk. One that I really didn't expect that day. Especially the part where Fatin questioned Akie. I just had to tear up. And yes Akie, it is true. It's time you pulled up your socks and start somewhere. She needs you. She really does. You've had waaaaayyy more than enough enjoyment time. It's about time you go back to your roots.Fatin Natashe(HAHA!), I think it's brave of you to tell Darwis how you really felt about him, but if he doesn't reciprocate it, I think you shouldn't give up. He's young, remember that, maybe he just hasn't seen most of life in itself. Maybe you should just give him time. Cos Fatin, I love you to bits and pieces, and honestly, I've never seen you that happy. Sureena Samsuri, I've known you the longest amongst the rest, and I know practically what goes on inside your head, it's scaring me too. Haha. But you know I'm always here if you ever need me, if you ever need someone to chauffeur you to go visit your mum. I'll be there, and I'll introduce myself to your mum cos I want your mum to know me, so she knows you're always safe with me. And Ida, although you're not always there with us, you know we all love you as hell. (But I don't. Cos your bro's getting married! Hmph.) We'll try to all get married together with you okay? WHEEEEEE!! I love these bitches.

2008-07-02T10:36:00.002+08:00

It's funny how some people think they own you when they don't. Like they have the right to do whatever they want to you. They know nuts about the problems you're facing and pretend they know exactly how it feels. Like when you're going cold turkey, and you need someone there to motivate you to stay strong and not fall back on drugs, but instead they are not there with you. You get fucked for the smallest reasons, but smiled on whenever they're happy. They're like fucking girls with PMS. They're like having mood swings every single day. In short, the world is theirs'. I can smile only when they're happy. Fuck you.

2008-06-30T14:08:00.002+08:00

Too many things have happened. From all the hustle and bustle preparing for FYP, preparing tarts, FYP itself, classes, ATTENDING classes, boyfriend, family, friends.... Never ending. Thank god PP has been completed.

And and; I have got to buy4D this wednesday. Peah's kid shat on me yesterday, and every single time I drive the car, there's bound to be bird shit. Heh.

Pictures from FYP event as soon as I get them from Aiee and Iiduuh.

2008-06-23T20:09:00.002+08:00

My body is itching like crazy. And it hurts. It's so painful I want to cry. As strong as I normally am, I want to break down. Cos the pain is unbearable. I don't know what caused this to happen. I don't have sensitive skin, and I don't have allergies, not that I know of. Sue had this itch a couple days back too, but hers isn't as terrible as mine. I need answers, now. It's too painful.

2008-06-20T19:15:00.009+08:00

The first week of school since the holidays, and I was in school only 2 days. HAHA. Self-proclaimed longer holiday. Everyone's the same, only some with better laptops, new haircuts, new loved ones, like Sue, apparently, who has 10 guys to choose from. HAHA.

Pictures taken with Athena's new love~ her BenQ. This is supposed to be the muka-tengah-seleleh.

But didn't work out the way we wanted. HAHA.
Semuanya cute banget.

With Liyana and Kerlaire lovessssss.

Oh yes, before I forget. Pictures from my cousin's wedding.

2008-06-17T10:48:00.006+08:00

Raul's 20th bash was the best clubbing experience ever in a veeerrrrryyyy long time. Below are the pictures with the "invited few", who apparently didn't understand that their dress code was supposed to be white (HAHA!), and it was even better after bumping with a whole lot of friends in MOS. Too much booze calls for uncalled fights, and I hate that. Whatever happened inside, stays inside.

2008-06-16T08:53:00.002+08:00

My laptop just decided to crash on me just as I was bored to death spending my 2 weeks holiday at home. Someone get me a new laptop please?

I promise my next post will be all pictures. =))
heh.

Pictures from;
My beloved cousin, Wira Arvien's marriage, and Raul's 20th birthday bash.

2008-06-02T14:00:00.002+08:00

OMFG. It's been sooo long since I last updated.

Been busy I guess.

Actually, I don't even know what I've been busy with.

I haven't been reaching home before 12,

and I haven't been going to school on the last week.

Yet, I have, though, been spending waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too much money on unnecessary stuff.

Last saturday was pretty hectic. Was with Sue from the moment I woke up, literally, all the way till I got back at 2, still with her.

Basically it was supposed to just be a meet-for-breakfast-and-rent-DVDs day.

But we decided on an imprompt town outing at 9pm,

and Ria, too, decided to join us.

Akie arrived soon after at 11, I think.

Oh, and we had Mis chauffeur us to Al-Ameen afterwards.

Oh, and yes, before I end,

if you're reading this,

feelings DO change.

2008-05-16T23:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday we spent some much needed bonding time together.
Eating at Lagoon, star-gazing, and gg back with sand in our hair... was awesome.
More to come please?
We'll go curik my dad's car again since I've already got my own set of keys *kening naik2* :)

Thanks girls + Akie. I love you guys.

2008-05-12T00:43:00.004+08:00

Mothers' Day was celebrated with two families, both Yan and mine. Yan's was a simple get together at his place, and mine was over soccer at Bedok Corner. It's a wee bit too late to say it now, but HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY TO ALL ANYWAYS!!

Anyways, on a heavier note, my dad was in Saturday's The New Paper, for the wrongest reasons!!

He wasn't satisfied with the taxi driver, till the taxi's passengers were so scared, they took a video of their 20 minute terror ride, (YES, 20 MINUTES!!), and sent it to the papers. And this father of mine, is the very same person who scolded me a few months back when I showed the middle finger at a taxi driver who cut into my lane (that CB kia). At least, my deeds weren't for all to see. This is the New Paper. Walaooooooo.

2008-05-08T12:11:00.010+08:00

This week has been pretty hectic (& expensive!).

Monday was Akie's court. Nad and Adil went, Ida had no school, and I didn't go to school. Oh yes, back to the story. Nad had to wake me up from my very peaceful sleep, saying;

Nad: Seri, Akie da masuk ah.
Me: HUH? Da masuk?
Nad: A'ah.
Me: Kau betul tak betul? Brape lama?
Nad: Err, 2 tahun ah. RTC.
(Adil in the background): Dia bedek la Seri!

Cb ah kau Nad. I believed you for a moment okay! Oh yes, and later, after Nad told me, Akie texted me "This is my last message to you, take care okay?" or something like that la. Too late Akie, knew the truth already! HAHA.

And so after that, I quickly got dressed, and met them up at town, where Adil was shopping for his cap (which in the end he didn't buy, but got himself a pair of Zara shades instead. Hmph). Our initial plan was to go karaoke (like eons back), but we wanted everyone to be there first. So while waiting for Ida, we watched Harold & Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay. Go watch it, seriously. But I think the first one was better.

Oh yes, and so, after the movie, we went to meet Ida up and then proceeded with karaoke! I think it was fun, very fun. Last song was the best ah. HAHA.

Tuesday;
Met Yan up, and again, ni budak ajak tengok wayang. We watched Over Her Dead Body, cos of (duhh) Eva Longoria. Chilled at his place till I didn't realise there's absolutely no more bus and train services. Walaoo. And Aisy(the baby) sleeping times are so macam mak bapak dia. Pagi tidur, malam active. HEH. So Yan and I took turns with his parents to layan this little bundle of joy.

And yesterday;
Watched Ironman(AGAIN!!) with Akie, Adil, Ida, Sue and Zaf. Adil still yet to send pics. So lembab.

And today;
MOVIE AGAINNNNN!! Will be watching What happens in Vegas with Fatin and Sue.

2008-05-03T00:50:00.015+08:00

And these were from yesterday, Yan's birthday;

Raul took this without our knowledge, kirakan macam paparazzi shot ahh.Pool;
Dinner;

The two most important men(besides my father) in my life;
Monkeys.

And Raul says, "10 years from now when you look at this pic, you'll smile."

From today;

Raul, Dinah and Yan came over to school and decided to lepak.

With all the girls;
Macam so formal gitu;

Mak nenek pose;
Ini taken by Yan.
Ini taken by Raul.

I just realised there's another outing in which pics haven't been uploaded.
Heh.

2008-05-02T12:54:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was Yan's 22nd birthday!!

On the eve of his birthday, his family called me up to come to his place as they had a surprise planned for him. He, as per normal, was sleeping, and everybody in his house knows how much I hate to wake him up from sleep as he would throw a bitch fit. And I had to do the honours. Knowing how tough it is to wake him up, I started at around 11.25pm, and he only finally woke up at 12.14am. Walao, spoiler sia this one. And yes, as expected, he threw his bitch fit, but was all fucking smiles when he saw the cake. Ergh.

Yesterday, Yan's birthday outing was with Raul, Dinah, Jan, Eriyan, Sheila and myself. Yan and I reached at 4 (as per planned), but the rest, being the star(NOT!) karats that they are, reached waayy later. So while waiting for Eriyan and Sheila to reach, we played a game of pool, and some arcade games. The actual plan was to go have a big-big makan fest after the movie. But since everyone complained of being sooooo hungry, we proceeded to Youth Park to eat our favourite seafood. We still had so much time after eating to go walk around while waiting for the movie to start. All thanks to Raul who booked it that late.

Pictures will be up as soon as I get them from Dinah.

2008-04-26T01:18:00.006+08:00

Remember the post where I said I had to make a choice?
Whether to tell the truth, or to help him lie?

Well apparently, the guy was with the girl when he called me, and DEMANDED that I told her his version of the 'truth'. I played along and was sarcastic in telling her.
Later that night, this very same HERO who was cursing and swearing at me through the phone when he was with his gf, called and fucking CRIED asking me to just please leave his gf a message at friendster. I asked him to just fucking leave me alone, and what did he say?
"Please ah Deq, aku janji, kau buat ni, aku takkan kacau kau lagi."
I agreed, knowing for a fact what his gf is bound to say stuff about me, but I had to do it.
To get rid of this fucker.

And now, I came across her blog, and there she is happily writing about me.
Read the words in the red box.

Excuse me?
Cause everything was a fucking figment of my imagination?
And the only reason why I told you not to tell Hanx was because I promised Hanx that if your very beloved bf were to call me again,
Hanx would call him personally.
And I didn't want that to happen.

Oh and so dear readers, in case you wanna know what I sent her through friendster, this is it.
FYI, her beloved bf was on the fucking phone with me,
telling me exactly what to write to her, word for word.
So much for me being the one in denial.

Oh, in case you still think I am in denial,
Chat logs, girl, chat logs.

Anyways I suck at using the print screen shit ah, so it looks terrible here.
Click on the pics to enlarge.

2008-04-22T11:00:00.000+08:00

My dearest drug friend caught up in your trip,
Holding on tightly but still losing your grip.
My dearest drug friend passed out on the floor,
Full of insanity but still searching for more.
My dearest drug friend so messed in the mind,
Leaving the life you once had behind.
My dearest drug friend craving your ice,
Blinded by crystals and chemical smoke.
My dearest drug friend you're slipping away,
If only you'd stop this damaging way.
My dearest drug friend stop selling your soul,
Stop playing with needles and paying the toll.
My dearest drug friend you're giving it all,
To drugs you'll bow down, to drugs you will fall.
My dearest drug friend you've chosen to die,
You gave drugs your life and that makes me cry.

2008-04-20T12:57:00.003+08:00

Now I know where I got my melatah-ness from.
HAHHAHAHHA.
We were just sitting on the front porch smoking when my other aunt started poking her and asking her to do stupid stuff.
Oh, and this is my favourite aunt, btw.

(sorry eh if your neck hurts from tilting)

2008-04-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

What would you do if you were me? He called up, demanding an explanation from me, on how she got to know about everything. He said he was disappointed in me. In me? How did I feel then when he said he could have been a total bitch and tell Yan everything? I’ve known you for years, and that doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to fucking do. You don’t tell me to lie to someone I don’t even know, when I bet she bloody hell knows it’s the fucking truth. I felt bad at first for having to be the one to spill the beans. But after what you asked me to do, just for your happiness, I’ve totally lost all respect for you.

You, of all people, should be the last person now to ask someone to lie so that it seems you’re Mr Nice Guy and I’m the fucking bitch. You should be the one trying your fucking hardest to earn the trust and respect back from her. Not wanting the easy way out and L.I.E. That’s the last thing you should ever do now! You think it won’t be back to square one of she finds out you actually asked me to do that? That makes you happy huh? You want me to sound like some low-life slut, just so you get her back, and she believes you? And me? I’ll be the one walking around with the word ‘slut’ pasted on my forehead. Everyone’ll be giving me faces, and there you are, happily smiling and holding hands and maybe even going around telling people “tu ah pompuan tk tau malu tu.”

I’m sorry. But, I really thought long and hard about this. I won’t lie for you. At least not one that would make me lose my dignity like that. Yes, maybe I did cause you to lose your respect and trust for me too, but this really shouldn’t be the last case scenario. Not to the extent of lying to get her back. That’s way too much. You love her very much, I know. But let her see for herself how true you really are to her. Stop lying to her. Stop lying to yourself. And i’m very sorry for letting you down.

2008-04-15T00:05:00.003+08:00

Yan treated all of us to lunch at Fish & Co earlier today.
Seriously, the service at AMKhub sucks big time.
We couldn't even make out what the server was saying,
like she was from Beirut or something.

Anyways, Aisy is growing at such a fast rate!
I haven't seen him in just 4/5 days,
and he has grown so much!
Cuteeee, I tell you.

2008-04-14T00:35:00.003+08:00

I'm loving the hair extensions laaaa!!
Definitely worth the money, but I bumped into Nanie today and she told me to get ready for some itching and oil-control issues with the hair.
&& I think I need to give the extensions a fresh coat of highlights.
Maybe tomorrow, we'll see how.
=))

2008-04-11T23:49:00.002+08:00

The conversation with Adil, Akie and Nad seriously woke me up. I've done too much wrong to too many people, and I guess it's about time to stop. S.T.O.P. I've realised my priorities. And I come to school for a fuckin cert, and that's it. I think by the end of these 3 years, I'll gain more than just that. I would have gained a whole lot more enemies, and nahhhhhh, wouldn't want that. Korang nak cakap ape, cakap lah. It's just one more year for me, and that's it.

2008-04-05T04:12:00.003+08:00

(Aku sumpah muka aku yang ni mintak kena smack that. heh.)

Rencontré le mien. Il est lui un qui ne manque jamais de me fair accomplir vos phrases toutes les fois que vous ne les accomplissez pas. J'ai certainementla vie a été la bonne vie d'amour il est lui est agréable se réveiller qu'en matin sachant qu'il y a quelqu'un follement dans l'amour avec vous, la même manière que vous l'aimez, si non plus très la même personne qui a été avec vous pendant des années maintenant, et celle qui peute le rire. Celui où nous pouvons partir en vacances, juste les deux de nous et encore avoir un bon nombre d'amusement.

j'aime Boyan, et le calmerai l'aime n'importe ce que se produit.

I love you. I'm sorry if whenever we fight, I'd be saying the stupidest, silliest, dumbest things that can make you all the more angry. But, you know I love you. We've been together not 2, 3 years. We go waaaaaayyyy back. And all the petty fights these years are not worth it dammit. I know it's not like you read my blog(haha!) So I can maki hamun you if I want to, but I don't. I won't. I realised that I have done wrong, too much in fact that I should be killed(read:ancient times, not now stoop) but I know you love me too much to kill me. Heh. If any other guy were to be with me, I'll bet a million bucks that they'd leave me before a month, maybe two. And that makes me appreciate Yan a whole lot more.

My best friends have been telling me time and time again to appreciate Yan, appreciate Yan and appreciate Yan(started since I was close to Fafa, so that makes it 2004?) But what have I been doing? The total opposite! I've been with him soooo many years, and they've been telling me to appreciate him since 4 years back!! I haven't even caught him with another girl these years. Not even an SMS. And me? When we were younger, nak jahat, semua sama2. The sparks times, wu bar, oh man.. I was what? 14? 16?

And all I can say now is, I'm sorry Yan, I really am sorry. This is weird cos I'm normally all egoistic and wouldn't say sorry if it isn't my fault. And we didn't even get into a fight these few days, and I'm saying sorry. I have really realised my mistakes. Like reallyxinfinity realised my mistakes.

I love you baby.

2008-04-04T14:17:00.000+08:00

YEAR 3, HERE I COMEEEEEE!!!
*raises eyebrows*
and no school for me on mondaysssssss.

2008-04-04T03:07:00.002+08:00

This will mostly be in malay.
Last post for the day.

Aku sumpah niari aku puas hati. Tak sia-sia aku turun bila Ikin cakap tu pompuan nak turun. Apparently tu pompuan cakap dia nak 'talk to settle things'. Talk bapak dia! She started playing dirty first, and I couldn't possibly not do anything and just watch. She started tugging Ikin's hair. (sialla watch too much shows uh? girlfight means pulling hair, scratching, etc.?) Stupid fuck. And I swear Ikin gave the best flying kick today! HAHHA. Aku kononnya nak step hero ah, nak stop the fight. Sekali ni pompuan tarik baju aku ah. Ape lagi? Kena tendang American History X siol dia. HAHHAHA. Only this one isn't on the kerb, it's on the pillar. PUAS HATI, I tell you. Seeing her bleeding. Walau, I think I'm sadist. Da lamaaaaaa aku tak gaduh gini. The warmth of blood in my hands is orgasmic. HAHAHHA. That's morbid sia. Can't help it ahhh.

I've been living a life of denial. Aku tau aku minah, cuma aku tkleh come to terms calling myself one. HAHA. Aku da bosan la hidup gini. Cos when you think of a minah, u think someone who's english sucks big time, who can't even finish sec school and stuff. Ok la, maybe my english isn't that good also, but can make it into poly with 19 points I think damn good for a minah already lor. What more, I look the part, I talk the part, I even dress the part. Me OnLii d0Nch TyPe Th3 ParT. Eww.

Oh yes, back to the story. I just got back, and my mum happened to just get out of the toilet. Since aku bodoh nak mampos gy on semua lampu kat dalam rumah ni, my mum saw the blood stains on me and she became hysterical. Ergh. Mums. It's not like it's the first time. Chill uh.

2008-04-04T02:14:00.002+08:00

MOS yesterday was okaaaayyyy. Better only cos Raul and Hanx decided to join us at the very last minute. It was Fatin's 19th(02/04) and Fad's 20th(03/04). There were sooooooo many people from RP. Oh and yes, Hanx told me a couple of things that I never want to believe. No, not that I didn't wanna believe it, it's just.... hard. HAHA. Da semangat save battery digicam, sekali lupa nak bring in!!!! HAHA, so no pics at all!!!!!! Geram. You know what's the best part of the night(to me)?
-Orlando swinging Fatin around, apparently it was supposed to be some salsa move.
-Nad dancing with Hanx, which was, erm, HOT.
-Raul being extra terrestial. HAHA, no link. Okay seriously. Raul being extra quiet and not over the top, which is NOT normal, especially in MOS.
-One of the last songs to be played, Back by any Demand. Yes, this same song in my blog! I went ballistic, I tell you. Heh.

I seriously don't wanna club already. But Sander van Doorn coming lehhhhhh. Howww?

2008-04-04T01:38:00.017+08:00

From the family dinner (which I told very roughly about in the previous post)
It's basically a pre-get together before Kak Ida gets married,
and it's Nat's 16th birthday as well.

Azreen and partner.
The one sitting like a mannequin is the one getting married to my cousin.
Too early for wedding jitters, isn't it?Kak Liza and partner.

Yan and I.

Rezal and partner.

ANNIE!!!

Happened to be Nat's birthday too. Her 16th.

This is just the cousins, partners, and grandparents.

Rezal, Nat and Rezal's gf. I have no idea what's her name. Heh.

Let's call her RGF. heh.
RGF and Nurul.

Dah la makan free, we each got an envelope containing.......
MONAAAYYYYY!!!!

The one in purple is the one getting married.

I like this pic.

Of my dad and a super irritating girl who happens to be my sis.

2008-03-31T01:09:00.009+08:00

I am in love with my lil sis's newly refurbished room!!
Let's change rooms, shall we?
...........................................................................................................

I miss school.
Like, really really.
One more week till we're done with the 10 week hols.
And I just realised that my classmates are gonna be borrriiinnnggg!!
I don't know them, but they look boring, to say the least.
Heh.
And Nad will be in my class for one day only!! ONLY!
And Ii-duuh and Athena baybee won't even be in any of my classes!!!

I'll miss them.
(Don't mind me terkang-kang-ing. Apparently Nad wants me to look shorter.)

My crazy-ass elective classmates.
This was taken last day of Yr2 07/08,
when most of them were pissed drunk.
All thanks to Ben who brought the alcohol.

And sue pendek.
I miss her.

2nd person I made friends with in school in '06.
And she happens to live around my area too.
Now, she's a lepak kaki too.
=))

The girlfriends.
:(
One more week to go!

This is weird,
but although I just met Yan a couple hours ago at my big-ass family dinner which costs my uncle $800++ and my memory card just decided to be a bitch and won't allow me to upload pics, (haha, malas to story panjang2, so I put how I spent tonight all in one sentence. Pictures as soon as I get from the rest, or when I figure out another way to get the pics from my digicam)
I already miss him.
Go ahead people,
puke on your keyboards.
=))

Anyone up for this on tuesday?
Lethal combination, I tell you.
Chicken & Beers.
Cuscaden, 8pm onwards.

2008-03-31T00:59:00.001+08:00

Gorgeous, isn't he?

2008-03-30T03:04:00.002+08:00

Muhammad Aisy(pronounced Aish) Fawwaz is finally here.
He saw the world on 29/3/08,
at 2015 hrs.
after 39 weeks in the tummy.
That's 3 weeks extra okay u naughty boy!

Pictures will be up soon.
=))))))

2008-03-27T00:20:00.001+08:00

NICEEEEEEEE.
=))

2008-03-22T15:12:00.002+08:00

I think it’s about time I do a school confession. I think I’ll do one that starts from 2006, when I first started poly. I confess that;

1. I didn’t wanna continue schooling.

2. Chose RP only because of this course; and because it’s within walking distance from my place.

3. Felt damn awkward during first day of school, especially after not being in school for a year.

4. I thought I was going to hang out with the Chinese people at W25G, cos the Malays were just too “on” or so I thought.

5. Became close to Sue and Fidah, and made it a personal mission to change Sue. And she underwent a total transformation. Mission accomplished.

6. Oh yes, I soon laid eyes on KF. All the malay girls I knew then were secretly hating the fact that he was with this girl, from my school as well. “He looks nice”, I thought.

7. We got drunk in school a couple of times.

8. We’ve been given summons for smoking in school, that’s before they came up with the smoking corner.

9. I really should be thrown out of school. Heh. No pun intended.

10. Enter year 2, I got to know that KF was going to be in my class, and all my girlfriends were pissed. I was actually looking forward to it. (I don’t know why)

11. Somehow, KF and I became relatively close towards the end of the semester. He would tell me his probs and stuff. Although I was tempted to take advantage of the ‘situation’, I DID NOT.

12. KF told me stuff that I never in a million years would imagine him saying. To me!

13. I was being a good friend, and told him that he should get back together with his girl.

14. I was pissed when my new friends(ketupats) said they actually didn’t wanna talk to me in class at first cos I looked like a fuckin minah. That’s minah-cist okay! I just look like one, I’m not one!

15. I shouldn’t have broken Sue’s, Nad’s and Fatin’s club virgins.

16. I shouldn’t have taught Fatin to drink Baron. Now she’s heavvvvyyyy.

17. I shouldn’t have gone to MOS on 071107. “Hey, I’ve seen you around”. I thought tat was a very bad pickup line, until.... “Are you from RP?” That was when I saw MFI.

18. It was wrong of me to give MFI, who is from my school but not my class, my number. And we SMSed each other. Often. Very often.

.’.p.s. Yan only allows me to give my number to guys who happen to be classmates.

19. It is nice knowing that there are guys out there who seem to be waaaaayyyy better than Yan. But on another note, every guy is nice when you just get to know them right?

20. Yan knows nothing about all this, and I DON’T intend to tell him. Not right now, at least.

21. Oh yes. One last one. I still want to beat the crap out of this one girl in school. She's what, turning only 18 this year, and she thinks she owns the fuckin school. It all started when we were walking back from the carpark, and she was going towards the carpark. She just felt the need to look at me with the fucked up face of hers. As in, really look. Like head turning 180 degrees look. And please grow up. Orang da tegur, tkmo nak step tak dengar then give the i-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about face ah. Tanak orang tegur lain kali tkmo tengok orang gitu ah. Sial nye pompuan.

Ni baru minahhhhh!
HAHAHHAHAH.

2008-03-22T12:08:00.002+08:00

I HAVE TO STOP SHOPPING.

This week alone, I spent;
$199.90 at Guess
$75.80 at Cotton On
$28 on lingerie
$70++ on Pizza hut, Pastamania and Breeks
$39 at Cuscaden

Someone help me.
I really have to stop.

2008-03-21T04:04:00.003+08:00

He sees me all the time
Never see me smile
He tries to picture what's going on in my mind
You leave me every night by myself
You took my love and put it on the shelf
You don't really care� how I feel...
I should be moving on boy what's the deal?
He wanna see me out that door... cuz he know I'm worth much more.

So tell me why� I stick around
Always lonely and I only wear a frown
You don't treat me good and I know
The only thing left is for me to go
I shouldn't live a lie with someone
When deep inside I know he ain't the one
He don't know what to say no more
He wanna see me out that door

Yah azizi (yo precious) is mahiri
He really don't wanna see me cry
Mujko samjho dil peh mat lo (understand me don't take it to heart)
Don't wanna see another tear in my eye
Baby break away
Let you go
He don't know you've done to me
But he knows that it's time to move on
Girl my love is blind.

.'. This song is so gallery-ish.
Only the english/lilbitof Hindi version.
:)
Thanks Sue for introducing me to it.

2008-03-20T14:57:00.003+08:00

I need more of them.
Plus Fatin and Sue.
:(
070408..... Please come soonnnnnnnnn.

2008-03-14T07:11:00.002+08:00

Life has never felt THIS good.

In a long time.

You know, I know.

Trippy shit, I must say.